Combine Harvester
by TheWritersAnnux
Summary: In which Arthur discovers that Alfred truly is the most ridiculous man he's ever met. And he wouldn't have it any other way.


It was one of the warmer days in England, with the sun shining bright in the nice, blue sky. Though that was bound to change in a few hours - the sun never stayed long on this land. Which was just fine to its occupants.

Currently, the personification of England was busy cleaning his house. Since his loud, messy, American boyfriend was off shopping for something or other, he figured it would be the perfect opportunity to play some Queen, put on his green apron, and spin the broom around.

And, if he so happened to find an American flag bandana (in his closet) lying around and just so happened to wrap it around his head, well, that was purely his business. He'd take it off before Alfred came home.

He had just finished sweeping, in fact, when he heard an engine purring outside of his house... Had Alfred bought a car!? Oh, this was ridiculous! They already had a car!

Arthur stomped over to the window, opening it up before peering out to see that, instead of a car, Alfred had bought a tractor. Er, no, there was a specific name for it, if he remembered. Blast it all, he really was trying to remember all of the new farm equipment Alfred had introduced to him when they decided to add a farm onto Arthur's orchard and flower garden. The American did miss his farm when they lived in England every other year.

"What did you go and buy now!?" Arthur called over the noisy engine, furrowing his brows at it.

"Well, what do you think it looks like!?" Alfred had decided to yell back to him cheekily. Wearing that stupid, smug grin on his face, was he? Oh, blast - what an idiot! All propped back in the driver's seat, thick heeled boots resting on the dash, and arms folded behind his head. A cowboy hat was resting down over one eye, and if Arthur wasn't mistaken, Alfred was dressed in... Shirtless overalls?! A-and was that a piece of wheat hanging out of his mouth?!

Arthur internally cursed himself when he couldn't stop staring. Damn it - why did _overalls_, of all things, have to be something that one could really admire on Alfred? The fact that he was shirtless certainly didn't help, either.

"It looks like a bloody tractor!" Arthur replied, rolling his eyes. He racked his brain for the proper name. "A... a combine! Right?"

"Winner winner, chicken dinner!" Alfred laughed, giving a rather attractive grin as he tipped his hat back, allowing his cowlick to poke out like a little, wriggling weed. One that Arthur wanted to pull since Alfred was acting a bit like a weed now - persistent. Annoyingly persistent in making Arthur feel irate.

"Well, turn the damn thing off!" Arthur replied, rolling his eyes. "I don't see why you bought a new one - I thought we had everything!"

Alfred just gave a little smirk and tipped his hat over his eyes. And not a hand lingered near the ignition it seemed... "I don't know," Alfred quipped, smirk growing into a juvenile grin, "_Did we~?_"

Arthur's eye started twitching in annoyance as he slumped over the window frame. "He's going to make me come out there, isn't he?" he mumbled to himself.

It seemed so, as Alfred just played around with the wheat in his mouth and didn't attempt to get up.

Arthur rolled his eyes, which then landed on the broom handle that was right next to him...

In seconds, the broom was speared at Alfred and hit the smug boy right in the gut.

And made him fall over into the grass with an, "Ooof!" as the purring of the combine motor seemed to almost laugh at him for doing so.

"Ha!" Arthur laughed proudly at his perfect aim and closed the window. It'd be rude to keep him laying there, so Arthur walked to the door, slipping his apron and bandana off as he walked.

"Are you okay, love?" he asked with a chuckle once he walked outside.

Alfred didn't answer him verbally, and just raised his hand up to give him a thumb up.

Arthur smiled as he walked over to him, feeling a warm, comfortable feeling in his stomach as he grabbed Alfred's hands to pull him up. He was ridiculous and spontaneous, yes, but that was hardly a bad thing.

"Now, tell me, honestly," Arthur asked, brushing the grass off of Alfred's clothes. "Do we need this new contraption?"

"..." Alfred just gave a warm smile, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he chewed on his wheat and placed his hands in his overall pockets with his thumbs sticking out like, well, sore thumbs.

Arthur quirked a brow and crossed his arms, giving him a small pout. He was taking his behavior as a big, fat, No. "You need to stop spending money on things we don't need," he started, all set for a lecture.

Till Alfred reached a hand out and turned off the combine.

This seemed to appease Arthur as he sighed and gave Alfred a calculating look. He knew the American, and he knew that he must have had some plan inside his head for buying something so large. What was suspicious was that he wasn't telling him what for. "Why do we need the tractor?" Arthur asked again, tilting his head.

Alfred just smiled more and began to whistle a little tune, tipping his hat back as a whistled a few bars, and started to sing.

"Oh no..." Arthur muttered before starting to laugh. This idiot - did he really buy a tractor just so he could sing a bloody song to him!?

_"Cuz I got a brand new combine harvester  
An' I'll give you the key!" _

Alfred sang in a glitzy southern twang, grinning ear to ear and bouncing in his step as he began to square dance around Arthur, before grabbing him by the waist and spinning his moody Brit into a tight, twirling spin.

_"Come on now let's get together  
In perfect harmony~"_

"Alfred!" Arthur laughed and latched onto his overall straps, giving him an incredulous look. What in the world was he singing?! And why hadn't he heard of it yet?

It didn't seem to stop Alfred as he grinned more - no, _beamed more_ and took Arthur's hands in his and dipped him under. After that, he gave an almost knowing look as he winked and broke apart from Arthur and started up the first verse, "_I drove my tractor through your haystack last night_." At that the cheeky American wiggled his brows and leaned in to almost whisper sing the next line, "_I threw me pitch fork at your dog to keep quiet_." He even did some cute little motions! A tossing of the pitchfork here, a little yelp for the dog getting hit with it - oh, what was he thinking?! Arthur knew thi-this had to be the most ridiculous song in the world! "_Now something's telling me that you've avoiding me~ come on now darling, you got something I _need~"

"You have got to be kidding me," Arthur muttered as they continued their dancing. He couldn't stop laughing! It was just so _out there!_ What in the world had possessed him to do all of this!? Buying a tractor just for a silly song-and-dance? It couldn't just be that, could it?!  
_"'Cause I got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key,_" Alfred started up again, almost unable to sing the song in his own laughter as well. And he couldn't help it! Arthur didn't know this, but he had _plans~_ Plans of the most _secretive, _and-and - well, if he told you it wouldn't be a secret, would it?!

"_Come on now, let's get together_

_In perfect harmony_

_I got 20 acres and you got 43_

_Now I got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key~_"

"This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life," Arthur told him quite plainly, wiping at his eyes since tears had started building from his laughter. He snapped one of Alfred's overall straps before wrapping his arms around the boy's neck, getting close and personal. This _was_ some kind of love song, after all, so he may as well go along with it~

Which fit well with the song, it seemed, as Alfred gained a softer look and slipped his hat back, letting it hang from his neck from a chord under it as the two began to almost slow dance together, "_I'll stick by you and give you all that you need,_" he sounded as though he were promising, "_We'll have twins and triplets,_" he then added with a soft laugh, giving Arthur a sincere look, "_I'm a man built for speed! And you know I'll love you darling, so give me your hand._" he then kissed Arthur quickly and added heatedly against his lips, "_But the thing I want the most is all that acres of land~"_

Arthur laughed softly into his mouth, feeling about ten years younger with all that was going on. Not to mention he was loving the talk about children~ Oh, it would be so _wonderful _to raise children with him! Alfred would made a lovely father~ He could relate to them better, most likely, with how childish he was, and it would be so cute to see him giving a little boy or girl a piggy-back-ride, or feeding them with an "airplane" spoon, or tucking them in at night… And they could read them bedtime stories together, and cook for them, and…

"Oh, Alfred~" Arthur giggled a little and rested his head against Alfred's shoulder, closing his eyes as they continued their slow dance to a ridiculous song.

Yet it didn't seem that their slow dance would continue for much longer as Alfred stopped them with a wide, very excited, and terribly bright grin - most of his grins were like that, and started what felt like the twentieth verse or so! "_Now I got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key_," he then elbowed Arthur's side in a gentle, playful manner and gave a wink, "_Now that we're both past our 50's I think that you and me should stop this gallivanting..._"

Then the next part felt slow. So slow. Arthur could remember every bit of what Alfred did next. Slipping down, almost effortlessly, he went down on one knee. In reality, Arthur should have seen it coming a mile away - it was so obvious in hindsight. At the current moment though, it felt like all of his breath had left him when, like a flash of lightning, a little ring made out of wheat and topped with a corn kernel for a jewel was held out to Arthur. Alfred seemed so inexplicably happy as he held it out and sang softly, "And will you marry me?"

Arthur didn't know what to do. He could feel his eyes refusing to hold any more water as tears trickled down his cheeks and onto the grass. He felt as if a million butterflies were trying to lift him up and fly away with him. And he couldn't stop _smiling!_ This was the most ridiculous, magnificent, stupendous thing that's ever been done to him. Alfred was promising him _forever_ - a million eternities in human standards.

How could he ever refuse~?

"Of course I will!" Arthur finally answered, his laughter sounding choked as he practically fell on top of Alfred to wrap him into a hug and kiss him a hundred times. "Yes, yes, yes!"

And that seemed to do it for Alfred as he laughed and hugged Arthur back, not even needing to finish the song, "Good," he commented, closing his eyes. "Because I don't think I could have asked you any other way."

"Really?" Arthur laughed, kissing him again before giving him a huge grin. "You are such a dork."

Raising a brow, Alfred just gave him a cheeky smile in return. "You're the one marrying this dork then~"  
"Mm~" Arthur had a mischievous tint in his eye as he wrapped his hand around one of Alfred's straps again, his fingernails tickling against Alfred's skin as he moved his hand down. "And I couldn't be happier about my decision~"  
"Good." At that, Arthur felt himself being pushed into the grass for a long, sweet, and succulent kiss. "Because you're stuck with it now that you said yes!"

"I know~" Arthur replied, happily kissing him back. A kiss full of giggles, of course~ But could you blame them? They were just recently engaged, after all!

And besides, there was always bound to be lots of laughter and love with this couple~

* * *

**Authors' note**: We hope you enjoyed! :) We heard the song "Combine Harvester (Brand New Key)" by the Wurzels the other day and immediately thought of USUK XD It's a really cute song! Go check it out! :D And review if you liked it, please ^^


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